Episode 47: Nope, Not Today: Seat Swaps and Messy Kid Chaos
Today's episode is all about a common dilemma faced by childfree and solo travelers: should you switch seats on an airplane so a family can sit together?
End of summer travel is in high gear and fights are full, so there’s a chance you’ll hear: can you switch seats so our family can sit together? Has this ever happened to you? Recently, people have been going viral for answering no to this question. But should you ever accommodate a switching seats request. There are reasons some people don't want to switch seats and immense pressure and guilt-trips often used to convince those of us who say no to switch. We can stand up for ourselves without being rude or unkind, or not.
Back in the day before airlines started nickel and dimeing you for everything, asking to switch seats so a family could sit together didn’t have as much controversy as it does now. Remember when people dressed up to travel on a plane and you would get a choice of a meal included in your ticket price, but I digress, back to the topic.
Many childfree and solo travelers prefer to choose their seats in advance and pay extra for the privilege, especially on long-haul flights. Personally, I like the aisle seat, basically because I’m 5’10”, always have to go to the bathroom and I’m that person who must stand up as soon as the seatbelt sign is off. Yeah, you can judge me… I don’t care. There are plenty of times when I pay for a seat in the extra comfort section for leg room and to be closer to the front of the plane. Although I don’t have a medical condition that requires me to have that seat I’m requesting, it is the seat I want.
Some travelers just don't want to be disturbed by noisy or restless children, especially if they're trying to sleep, read, or work. Unfortunately there’s no kid free section - Hey airlines are you listening, people like me would pay more to be on a flight without any children. I know you’re like Tamiko, fly in the higher classes of service to avoid kids. First, let’s be honest, while my childfree life gives me more disposable income, first class is not in my budget. Yes, childfree people have budgets too! And even though there’s less of a chance, there are kids in first and business class too. I also have friends with kids who purposely book themselves in the higher class of service and their “well behaved” over 12 children in coach. Listen, if this podcast jumps off and I start making money, I’ll upgrade to first class immediately, just sayin.
All of these reasons are valid for not wanting to switch seats and it does not mean you’re selfish, entitled or mean spirited…. Or does it? Of course not, I think it’s the parents who expect you to move who are the entitled ones.
Oh the pressure to switch…
Unfortunately, many parents and some flight attendants use emotional manipulation to coerce travelers into switching seats. You will get looks of pity, disdain and disgust. None of these tactics work on me. No is a complete sentence and I don’t have to accommodate your request. Appealing to my sense of compassion, kindness or community spirit doesn’t work either. The only time I’ve actually switched seats to accommodate a family was to get away from an infant from another family. And I was switching with teenagers who were moving closing to their grandmother and I got an aisle seat closer to the front of the plane- that was a win for all of us.
Next comes the guilt-trips such as "think of the poor child who will be separated from their family," or "you were once a child too, remember how it feels to be scared and alone?” And of course imminent threat of a meltdown. I grew up in the 80s, being separated from my family, alone and scared was a daily occurrence, I learned how to adjust and avoid being kidnapped. Switching seats with me won’t prevent any kid from having a meltdown. We’ve all been on flights with a kid throwing a tantrum seated right next to their parent. This is where my noise cancelling headphones come in real handy. To the parents out there avoid relying on the kindness of a stranger and do all you can to make sure your family is sitting together before you get on board because there’s a good chance your request will be declined. Especially if your offer is a seat worst than what I have.
For some childfree travelers, these tactics can be overwhelming, especially if you feel like you’re being judged or shamed for not switching seats.
It's important to remember that you have the right to say no and to protect your own comfort, health, and well-being. And you’re likely never to see these people again, so who cares what they think.
Tamiko, what do I do if I’m asked to switch and I don’t want to? I’m glad you asked! You can politely decline the request to switch seats by saying something like, "I'm sorry, but I paid extra for this seat and I really need it for my own reasons.” Or “I’m comfortable where I am and prefer not to switch”. You can also suggest alternatives, such as asking the flight attendant to find someone who is more willing to switch or offer you a seat in a better location or in a higher class of service. Or you can just say no, put on your headphones and let them figure it out.
I want to be clear, I’m not saying you should never switch seats, do it because you want to, not because you’re being forced to.
If you feel uncomfortable or threatened by the pressure or guilt-trips of a parent, you can ask the flight attendant to intervene, you are not obligated to switch seats.
Above all, it's important to stay calm, firm, and respectful, even if the other party is not. We don’t want you to go viral for having your own meltdown.
Keeping with the theme of traveling with kids, a few months ago, Anthony Bass a pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays tweeted: The flight attendant @united just made my 22 week pregnant wife traveling with a 5 year old and 2 year old get on her hands and knees to pick up the popcorn mess by my younger daughter. Are you kidding me?
No sir, we’re not. Teaching your children to clean up after themselves is something parents should be instilling, instead of trying to shame the flight attendant. I take issue with the term “made”, no one can make you do anything. She could have just exited the plane. I’m surprised the other parents or passengers seeing her condition didn’t help her. The hubris and entitlement of some passengers, many of them parents is incredible. Airlines are pressed to turn the flights over quickly to get the next flight out. Can you imagine the backlash of the passengers on the next flight if they were delayed so the crew could clean up the mess left behind by this mother and kids. There’s talk about why did the airline give these kids popcorn, now we’re blaming the airline. There are tons of songs to teach kids how to clean up. The older kid is 5, and more the capable of helping and providing a visual for younger sibling to learn early that cleaning up behind yourself is what you’re supposed to do. Surprisingly enough a lot of twitter users at the time agreed with me and didn’t take the side this family. My initial thoughts were, maybe you should fly private, or travel with someone to help you with the kids. You can’t always expect people to empathize with your situation.
Now to the screaming babies…. Did you see the video from a few months ago with a man yelling on a flight to stop a baby from crying. I will agree he was being completely obnoxious, however he was saying what everyone was thinking. Even the baby stopped crying while he was yelling. Having a screaming baby on a flight is the worst. It’s bad for the parents too, but for the other passengers who are not obligated to like this kid, it’s torture. Now there’s not much you can do in this situation, you kinda have to deal with it. Invest in some noise cancelling headphones, it won’t completely eliminate it but it will dull it enough to make the flight bearable. Just a reminder, I wish airlines would get on board with kid free flights. Like I said many of us would pay more to not fly with children. I know I would.
Thank you for listening, remember that being childfree doesn't mean being selfish. Your boundaries and preferences are just as valid as anyone else’s.
I’m looking forward to your feedback, keep it coming! Let me know what you think, write a comment below!
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