Parents Got More Time Off. Then the Backlash Started and Moms at the US Open
Hey DINKs and SINKS today is a two-fer. First, I’ll talk about the September 5th New York Times article titled, Parents Got More Time Off. Then The Backlash Started. Then I’ll talk about moms at the US Open. I’m a sports fan and tennis is one of my favorites to watch. I had hoped to go the US Open this year but thanks to COVID-19, I had to watch from home like everyone else.
The New York Times is becoming gold for these articles about parents in the pandemic. I received lots of positive feed back for my episode on In a COVID 19 economy you can have a kid or a job not both. I will link that episode in the show notes. I also got some backlash from parents. I’ll let you know when I care what they think. Today’s article by Daisuke Wakabayashi and Sheer-a Frenkel is one where my unpopular opinion is actually mentioned. It seems people are shocked when non parents stand up for themselves. That by standing up for yourself as a non parent somehow means you’re a parent hater. The two can live together and not be married. The article focuses mainly on tech companies because they tend to have more generous policies and perks for people who allow their jobs to take over their lives. These companies have extended extra time off, in the case of Salesforce, they offered parents six weeks of additional time off, Facebook offered 10 weeks of paid time off for employees (read parents) if they had to care fo a child whose school or day care facility has closed. Similar paid leaves were offered at Google and Microsoft. I have to note some of these leaves include caring for a sick relative. DINKs and SINKs were not having it. There has been major push back from non parents. Why do parents get extra time off just because they have kids. We all know that when those coworkers take this time off, it is us who pick up the slack. And we’re supposed to do it and not complain because if we do we’re not team players and lack empathy. When are parents team players, picking up the slack for the non parents when you want to cut out early to go to happy hour with your friends, or take time off to hang out on the couch. Those activities are not looked at as a priority but kids are. But what we’re all forgetting is that these are choices. And the choice not to have children should not be viewed as less than the choice to have them.
The article says “Resentment from employees without children about extra parental benefits existed at companies before the pandemic, of course. But the health crisis has amplified that tension. Parents who had normally been able to balance work and home are struggling to help their children learn remotely while still doing their jobs.” Were parents really balancing work and home. Maybe some were, but we all know many were not.
Laslo Bock, Google’s former head of people operations, or human resources who is now the chief executive of the start-up Humu, which aims to help companies manage employees more effectively, says It’s a difficult situation for everyone but for people to get upset enough to say that “I feel this is unfair” demonstrates a lack of patience, a lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement”. Well Laslo, that works both ways. Parents have the greatest sense of entitlement of anyone on the planet which is why companies are creating benefits to support them. Tell a mom their kid can’t do something, they will rally the mommy mafia and come after you. And you can’t tell me how I should feel. If I feel its unfair for my parental coworker to take 3 days off in the middle of project to help Emily with remote school and I have to pick up the slack for her contribution, then it’s unfair. The same way parents feel its unfair when they don’t get preferential treatment when it comes to their kids. Where is the empathy for people who have chosen not to have children.
Some non parents feel companies are less concerned about their needs. Some feel isolated, especially if they live alone, under appreciated, especially when you’re picking up the slack for parents. Some have had difficulty adjusting to working from home. I can speak for myself on that one. Where are our separate benefits? Well, here you go, Facebook says all employees can take up to three days to cope with physical or mental heath issues without a doctors note. But parents have that benefit too. Can you imagine if a company gave a special benefit for non parents. The mommy mafia would be out in force, saying that’s not fair.
When an employee of Facebook posted on an online forum it was unfair non parents could not take advantage of the additional leave, a parent responded saying it was harmful because it made parents feel negatively judged and that a child care leave is hardly a mental or physical health break. Non parents are negatively judged all the time. From unsolicited advice on what to do with your uterus to shame for spending your money how you want to not willingly picking up the slack without complaint.
Erin Kelly, a professor at MIT Sloan School of Business, who studies workplace policies and management practices says, the tension between parent and childless coworkers may result from companies not going a good job explaining that what benefits parents can benefit the entire workforce and a question that we might ask the employees who are feeling some frustration about their coworkers being on leave is what do you think is going to happen if this person quits, you’re going to actually be stretched further. I bet she’s a mom….. If that person quits maybe they’ll hire a non parent who pulls their weight and doesn’t need to take time off to help Charlie with his math homework.
Now on to Moms at the US Open. As I said before I love sports and tennis is one of my favorites. Last year was Serena William’s first time back at the US Open and there was a This Mama campaign surrounding her comeback. This year they talked about moms ALL THE TIME. Every women’s match there were no less than a dozen references to moms, even when there were no moms playing. There are 9 moms in the competition. 3 moms in the semifinals, 1 mom in the finals. Moms, moms, moms, moms. Enough. First the US Open could give 2 shits about moms before Serena had a baby. Moms were looked at with disdain when they returned to the court, they had lost their ranking for being away from the game, they were questioned if they could snap back to their pre baby performance because a baby wrecks havoc on the body. Second, this is their job. They trained after having a baby to return to work. Because of Serena, the conversation has changed. Women who leave the sport to have a baby now have protected rankings and other benefits. But women have been having babies for years and it wasn’t until the arguably greatest female tennis player of all time had a baby things changed. Do I think those changes should have been made sooner, yes. I don’t think a woman should be penalized for her choice to have children but I also don’t think we should have to talk about it all the time. During the semifinal match between Serena and Victoria Azerenka, the commentators talked about them being moms for most of the pre match commentary. I posted that if I had a shot for every time they said mom, I would have been drunk before the match even started.
And you wonder moms think they are entitled to extra points. It’s because of things like this. Instead of accolades for being great players who happen to be moms, society put mom first, player second.
By the way, there was no mention of Dads at the open.
Congratulations to Naomi Osaka and Dominic Theim - the US Open Champions who today happen to be a part of the DINKs and SINKs family.
Links to articles and podcasts mentioned:
Parents Got More Time Off. Then the Backlash Started.
In a COVID-19 Economy, you can have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both.