Book Review: The Narcissism of Small Differences by Michael Zadoorian
Hey DINKs and SINKs - I’ve missed you and apologize for being MIA. Between current events and the change in weather, I’ve been a little out of it.
One thing I have had time to do while staying mostly at home is read. At the beginning of the year I set a goal of 25 books in my reading challenge on Goodreads. I’m in a few book clubs, local and virtual. Shout out to the SOMA BookClub - full of literary misfits! We normally meet once a month but were selected as a featured book club by Book Club Girl this year which means we were gifted additional books to talk about, upping our meetings to twice a month. I also have to shout out Brownstone Books Book Club based in Brooklyn, NY. We recently celebrated our 20th anniversary and I’m proud to say I’ve been a member since the beginning. Once I moved to New Jersey, I hadn’t been able to participate in their monthly meetings but Covid-19 has made them virtual, so recently I’ve started to attend again via Zoom. I’m also in a book club from a previous job, we don’t meet as consistently but I try to read their selections as well. Needless to say, I’ve already surpassed my goal of 25 books this year and can’t wait to see what my final total will be.
A few weeks ago, Michael Zadoorian reached out to me asking if I would review his current book, The Narcissism of Small Differences. I was so excited! He said the book was about a couple who were childfree by choice and he thought it would be something my listeners would like. I listen to audiobooks either via Audible or the e-library. He arranged for me to get a copy of the book on CD. Good thing I found my portable DVD player otherwise I’d have to drive around and listen in my car.
First, let me say narrators can make or break an audiobook. Patrick Lawlor is the narrator and he was good, although I think it may have been better if there was also a female narrator.
Here we have Joe and Ana, a Gen-X couple, together for 15 years, not married, no kids living in a Detroit suburb during post financial crisis 2009. Joe is a freelance writer having not had success writing fiction and Ana is an ad agency executive. They have friends who are also not married and/or don’t have kids. Ana has to deal with the mommy mafia at work (check out episode 2 if you want more info on them). They give her “the look”, you know the one of pity because you’ve chosen not to participate in the “joy of parenthood”. Her coworker Adrianne says they are like Jehovah’s Witnesses or Dead Heads, trying to convert you. Ana doesn’t understand why they can’t see how happy she is without kids. She has a boss who is divorced and a weekend dad with whom she had to defend her decision. Not only the decision not to have kids but also not to get married. She says she doesn’t “want it all” and that’s ok. Either you’re committed to the relationship or you’re not and no marriage certificate or kid is going to change that. We’re looking at you divorced weekend dad.
Joe’s group of friends have a candid conversation about not having kids. It was so good to hear the male perspective! Sometimes you think it’s only women who get the pity looks and questions about procreation. As with women, there is always that one friend who can’t grasp why you don’t want to signify your legacy with a child. Chick is that friend he says Joe is dead inside because he doesn’t want to have kids. Not enough smart people are having kids and then that brings up the age old question “who’s going to take care of you when you’re old”? It was great to hear Joe defend his decision, saying kids would keep him from doing the things he wanted to do. Parents tend to transfer their own dreams onto their kids. Joe is asked what if Ana changed her mind and wanted kids would he stay with her? Good question….
It’s not often you see characters in a book who don’t subscribe to the traditional expectations of marriage and parenthood. There is usually the stud bachelor with tons of women avoiding commitment or the cat lady who can’t get a date. Joe and Ana are more than that. They prove that a couple can have a great life without those things. But their life is not without trails. Lots of people think that just because you don’t have kids it means you live this trouble free life of 24/7 sex and vacations. In some cases, that’s just not true. When Ana catches Joe masturbating while watching porn. MILF porn at that….she feels self conscious just as the run of the mill mom would. By the way, Ana doesn’t know what a MILF is, she thinks they’re women who look like your mother!
Ana is very successful in her career and Joe not so much. Both are looking to fulfill their purpose and are not sure they are on the right path in their careers and in their relationship. They question if they’ve made the right decision not to get married and not have kids. Are they freaks for choosing to be childfree? You know what I think about that.
I thought this book was very funny and could relate to a lot of the relationship woes of childless couples.
Unintentional funny reference: Joe gives money to the homeless and on one occasion the recipient wants to shake his hand. Joe couldn’t get the hand sanitizer out of the glove compartment fast enough and says when did I become one of those old geezers with hand sanitizer. Remember this is 2009. Fast forward to 2020 and no one leaves the house without hand sanitizer!
I definitely recommend you check out this book and let me know what you think? If you’re in a book club with a mix of parents and childfree participants, this would be a great way to open the conversation about respecting everyone’s choices.
I want to thank Michael Zadoorian for asking me to review his book!
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You can purchase The Narcissism of Small Differences by clicking here and enter ZADOORIAN30 for 30% off!
Disclosure: I was gifted this audiobook by the author. All opinions are my own. Additionally, if you decide to purchase the book through the above link, I do not make a commission.