More Women are asking for Permanent Birth Control and Getting It
Back on episode 38, I talked about how to advocate for yourself at the GYN and it’s received great response and feedback! I’m back with stories of women who have had success with permanent birth control! A Ted Talk from 2016 about choosing sterilization has resurfaced and made itself to my feed. Christian Reighter is the speaker and the title of her talk is:
“I don’t want children, stop telling me, I’ll change my mind”
She talks about her journey to getting tubal ligation. She says the number one reason people think you don’t want to have kids, is because you are selfish. When in actuality, that is not the most popular reason. She thought women who don’t want children must be rare because we are fed the narrative of this is what you are supposed to do. When in fact, 1 in 5 women won’t have children, whether by choice or by chance. Christian says it’s common for women seeking tubal ligation to exhaust their finances, appeal to dozens of doctors, be turned down, disrespected and just give up. Women are told to come back when they are married and have two children, when they are older and even when they have only one child, come back when they have more.
I’m raising my hand…because I just gave up. Some of my journey is in episode 38. It makes me think maybe I should have fought harder or been more persistent. In Christian’s state the only requirements were be 21 or older, of sound mind and acting on your own accord and a 30 day waiting period. I didn’t even know the requirements in my state because no doctor would talk to me about it.
Conversations with her doctor sounded so familiar to me.
Agenda’d.
Bias.
With Inflated Statistics.
We have been told consider your partner (or future) partner’s feelings. The fact that you have to consider the feelings of someone you haven’t even met yet is absurd. She said you would be disregarding what you believe if your partner wants children. Why would a choose a partner who didn’t agree not to have children. My own experience is when I got married, my doctor was so happy and said wasn’t I glad I didn’t go through with permanent birth control. When I told him my husband doesn’t want children either, he was crestfallen and still refused to give me information on having the surgery.
Of course, Christian faced the “you’ll regret it” answer from her doctors. There is more than one way to have a child and this is removing one path to motherhood and if she regrets it, she’s the only one affected. But the other way around, if she has a child and regrets it, there’s two lives that are affected. As I mentioned in episode 38, doctors rely on medical paternalism, meaning they can make decisions based on your best interest.
It took Christian a long time to finally get approved for the surgery and even on the day of the procedure her doctor still expressed his disapproval and insisted she would eventually change her mind.
Christian tells us to be wary of the roles society places on women.
The weight that comes with them
the pressure to confirm to them
the fear associated questioning them
the desires we cast aside to accept them
I feel women like Christian helped pave the way for Abby Ramsey.
Abby searched for six years. She was told she was too young, go to therapy, she’ll change her mind. Still, she persisted, the 25 year old Los Angeles woman finally found a doctor to give her a bilateral salpingectomy which is the removal of the fallopian tubes and an endometrial ablation, removal of a layer of the lining of the uterus.
There was an article in the NY Post from October 2021 referencing the rise of women wanting to be sterilized, by the way I hate that term! Permanent birth control works better for me. Some of the women referenced in the article didn’t seem to have a hard time finding a doctor to do any procedure, although a time frame reference was not given for them.
Rachel Diamond has become a TikTok star for her childfree videos. She has a conservative background but became more progressive as she got older. She met a therapist who helped her realize her childhood spankings were deeply traumatic and made her fear authority. At that point she decided not to become a mother.
In 25 states the death rate was higher than the birthrate that’s up 5 states from the previous year. Did you know, San Francisco has more dogs than babies. Back in the day, women and men wanted to have babies. The question was how to have it all, now the question is why do it all? Some millennials think why bring a new innocent life into a criminally unequal society situated on a planet with catastrophically rising sea levels? Whoa, I’m not a millennial and this blew me away. I just don’t want kids. I don’t have a grand philosophical theory behind it, just like I don’t want coffee after dinner, I don’t want kids. A quarter of adults in Michigan are child free by choice. Since the pandemic started, the desire to have a child has decreased by 17%. This article also references doctors reluctance to give women permanent birth control because studies show there are high levels of regret. No study is referenced.
Darlene, from Denver would have to get the consent of her male partner or already have two kids to have the procedure approved. Yet, her male friend was able to get a vasectomy, no questions asked.
Sophia, a 19 year old from Canada was able to find a doctor willing to give her permanent birth control despite being a virgin. She said it would be a deal breaker if she met someone who wanted kids.
When Chelsea, 25 was asked everyone’s favorite question - won’t you regret it, she had a perfect answer: What is there to regret, that I’d be too happy, too free?
Where were these doctors when I was fighting.
Where are the statistics of all these women who had these procedures done and changed their minds. I had a hard time finding them; could it be there aren’t any because women are so often discouraged from having it done, they just give up, they don’t have a chance to “change their minds”. Why are we treated so unfairly when we want to make a decision about our bodies, yet decisions made by men are rarely questioned. There are statistics on women who have changed their minds after having children, that is between 8 and 17 percent.
Cheers to Christian, Abby, Rachel, Darlene, Sophia and Chelsea, giving hope to women who want to pursue permanent birth control and are discouraged by their doctors. I want more stories like these to become the norm, say the quiet part out loud! It is not taboo for women to want to make this choice for themselves. The fact is this is a practical choice. It is my hope women in future generations will be able to go to their doctor and not be told they don’t know what they want for their own wellbeing.
If you are currently seeking permanent birth control and are being discouraged by your doctor, keep going, don’t give up, keep fighting and you will find a doctor who will respect the decisions you make for your body. The road becomes smoother the more people who walk on it. When you are successful in getting the type of permanent solution you desire, you and the women referenced earlier are making the path smoother for those who come behind you.
Be sure to check out my episode on how to advocate for yourself at the GYN’s office, episode 38. It’s of my most popular podcast episodes.
Were you successful in getting permanent birth control? What obstacles did you have to overcome? What advice do you have for women who are seeking a permanent solution. Let me know in the comments below.