Film Review: To Kid or Not to Kid
A few months ago, right around the time I started this podcast, this documentary was brought to my attention. Maxine was doing the rounds on all the morning shows and like many of us DINKs and SINKs, I saw her as bringing attention to my choice not to have kids in a positive light.
The documentary opens with Maxine showing her scars from surgeries that would make it more difficult for her to carry a child to term. This documentary was her journey of deciding whether or not her and her husband would have children. I wonder how much her circumstances from her surgeries would play in her decision, turns out not much.
Maxine meets with quite a few people throughout the documentary to help her make this decision.
Megan, a 25 year old woman in the UK wants to have tubal ligation because she has made the decision not to have children. Her biggest obstacle is being told by doctors and society, this is not a decision she wants to make at such a young age. Think about it, if she chose to have a child at this time, married or not, no one would question her choice. She battles for 3 years with the doctors to be allowed to have this procedure and by the time this documentary is released she’s still fighting.
Side note: I can relate to Megan because I have had a few doctors tell me that I would change my mind and have advised against permanent birth control for years. In all cases, it’s been a male doctor.
Maxine speaks with her mom who thinks she would make a great parent and wants more grandchildren. Since her mom recently had a stroke, she adds who would take care of her if Maxine were to be in the same situation. She also wants Maxine to do whatever makes her happy. Maxine’s sister who has 3 kids has offered to carry a baby for her if she decides she wants kids and is supportive if she decides not to.
She visits a mom of one and asks if it’s selfish to not have children. This mom says having a baby is a selfish thing that doesn’t make you special. I’m sure she’s been kicked out of the mommy mafia for that statement.
Maxine and her husband Josh did not talk about having children prior to marrying. After they began living together in the US, Josh finds out he has twin girls from a previous relationship in Norway. He fells it would be sad to grow up in a house without kids and waxes poetic about looking down the thanksgiving dinner table at their children doing well and or maybe not so well.
Victoria, who wrote an article about regretting having children, is one of the few moms that admit this fact. The doesn’t mean she loves her daughter any less, a point her daughter strongly agrees with.
I learned a new term. Pronatalization - this is what society is doing to us through the media and for some you, your mom.
This is especially present during the section of the documentary that played commercials from across the world promoting having children. Did you know Italy has a fertility day? In Denmark, a commercial shows an older woman who wants grandchildren and since she can’t help the couple in the bedroom, she should send them on vacation because people on vacation have more sex and that way she will get the grandchild she’s been wanting in nine months. Another one from India, says be responsible, don’t use a condom.
Why does society want us to have children? Because in 2017, the baby game was a $67 billion industry up from 23 billion in 2013. It’s all about the bottom line.
Maxine attends The Not Mom Summit hosted by thenotmom.org founder Karen Malone Wright. This conference brings speakers and like-minded women together to share resources and how to navigate he pronatalist world we live in. I had no idea there were conferences I could attend supporting my childfree lifestyle. I will definitely be looking into this when COVID-19 becomes a thing of the past.
Maxine had said that large families are selfish because they put a strain on the world’s resources and lost a good friend over that comment. They haven’t spoken in 10 years. So she visits with a mom of five. During the interview, the mom is so distracted by the kids, Maxine has to repeat her questions several times. Has anyone asked you why you have five kids? The answer no. Why? Because I guess that would be rude. And so is asking someone why they don’t have kids.
Maxine attends a meetup in NYC for people who have chosen to be childfree and there were a few men. They say they are also alienated for not having children by the parental mafia (my term, not theirs). I will be checking to see if there are any similar events in my suburban town. Although I doubt it.
She meets with Bryan Caplan who is an asshole (my opinion). He wrote a book called: Selfish Reasons for Having More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think. He says the greatest joy is that you created life. Did I mention he’s an asshole.
During the filming of this documentary, Maxine and Josh have unprotected sex and are concerned she could get pregnant and decide to get Plan B. Josh is also considering a vasectomy.
Overall I enjoyed this documentary. I see it as another post it on the wall to break down the stigma of women who don’t have children. For me, the best part was when she was trying to arrange all the holiday postcards from friends with pictures of their kids and gives up because they keep falling down. I can do relate but was happy this year when one of my SINK friends sent a postcard of all of her adventures from the previous year. That card got a priority spot on the mantle.
Well, what did Maxine decide? You’ll have to watch the documentary to find out.
To Kid or Not to Kid, a documentary by Maxine Trump is available for rent on Amazon Prime. You can also follow Maxine on Instagram at maxinetrump_childfreedirector