Bias Against Childfree Women at Work
I came across an article from theriveter.com by Jessica Wakeman. Now I don’t know if Jessica is childfree but she hits all the points about bias against childfree women at work.
She talks about how the motherhood penalty at work can hurt us childfree women. The motherhood penalty is defined as the judgement that having children weakens a women’s commitment and performance in the workplace. It affects childfree women because the assumption is working women will eventually get pregnant.
There has always been an assumptions by my coworkers and managers that I will have kids. When I was single, it was when you met someone you’ll want to have kids. When I got married, it was oh within the next year or so you’ll have kids. I wonder if this has affected me careerwise and/or financially. I’ve always tried to negotiate the best salary for myself at the time and have been successful, at least that’s what I’ve thought but maybe the ceiling could have been higher. Now I wonder if I’ve been passed over for a promotion or career advancement because a manager thought I would have children and not be as committed to the position as a man, or maybe a woman with older children that don’t require as much hands on attention. If there are any HR professionals or managers listening, do you share this bias toward childfree women. Take a moment to think about that.
She talks about the stereotypes of childfree women for instance, women without children are not nurturing nor warm. We don’t have empathy towards mother’s experiences or have a pitiable reason why they don’t have kids. Well, let me be honest, I’m not exactly a warm person, but I don’t think it has anything to do with not having children. I know plenty of parents who aren’t warm either. Nurturing… well yeah I think I’m nurturing, again I don’t know if I’d be more nurturing if I had children and we all know parents that are less than nurturing. Parenthood doesn’t automatically or miraculously give you a blanket set of emotions and virtues. If you are a cold and neglectful before you became a parent, you will may still be cold and neglectful afterwards.
I will say I don’t have much empathy towards mother’s experiences. Meaning is it terrible you’ve been up all night with a sick kid, yes it is. Does that mean I want the play by play, no. Not because I don’t have children, but because it’s not interesting. On the other side of that coin, if a dad was up all night with a sick kid, would his male coworkers voluntarily pick up the slack, I don’t think so but they might pick him up some coffee. I can do that, pick up Starbucks.
And that pitiable reason I don’t have children, it’s called choice.
Childfree women are often pitted against moms at work. Childfree women are assumed available for evening and weekend work and travel. In some cases it benefits childfree women because it’s viewed as a commitment to their position but it also creates an unnecessary wedge.
Jessica lists some proactive step companies can take to alleviate the bias against childfree women and in my opinion help soften that wedge.
1 - Clarify flex time and make it equitable for all.
Flex time is not only for parents. Childfree employees have responsibilities that may requires a flexible work schedule and it should be made available to us without question. If you have to care for an elderly parent or your pet, you should be allowed to take advantage of a flexible schedule.
2 - Ensure shift work and PTO are available to all employees.
How many of us work the week between Christmas and New Years because parents take off to be with their families, like we don’t have families. How many of us work during spring breaks and on “family” holidays because kids are out of school and parents don’t have adequate childcare. Personally, I don’t mind working during these times but it shouldn’t be assumed I will work when parents want to take off. Raise your hand if you wanted to take off and a colleague said to you “Why do you need to take off, you don’t have a family?”
My husband and I like to travel/take time off when children are less likely to be around. For example, the week before Christmas, reasonable people with children in school generally don’t want to pull them out a week before they will be out anyway. Additionally, the first week in January or mid September, most kids and employees are back at school or work, so we’ll head out on vacation.
3 - Offer remote opportunities for all employees.
Right now during the COVID-19 pandemic many of us are working from home, a “perk” that may not have been extended to us in previous years. But what happens when we return to “normal” (and if you know when that will be, can you email me…) will remote work continue as a norm or return to being a perk. For myself, working remotely was never an option prior to COVID-19, as my job is client or as I call it manager facing, but I have proved I am able to do my job from home with the same effectiveness and efficiency as in the office. I think I may have a claim not to go back to 5 days a week in the office.
4 - Reframe the notion of work life balance.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as work/life balance for anyone, non parents or otherwise. We are all “balancing” badly. Whether it’s checking your work email at the dinner table or your kid invading your work zoom meeting. I’m guilty of this as well, putting my job before my family when I sign off later than normal to finish something that could have waited which interferes with my evening with my husband.
5 - Make it clear to employees that you embrace a broad definition of family.
I talk extensively about the definition of family in Episode 4, I will link it in the show notes. Family has many definitions and all should be respected.
6 - Prioritize affordable, widely available childcare.
I was thinking how would this benefit childfree employees. Jessica reminded me that when parents have affordable, widely available childcare options, they are less likely to be away from the office. Unfortunately, we all know there will still be those parents who use their children as an unquestionable excuse.
Jessica referenced Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence by Amy Blackstone, PHD. I added it to my Audible library and also plan to join a discussion later this month with @sorryimallbookedup and @girlimbooked on Instagram. Stay tuned for my review in an upcoming podcast.
Is Your Business Discriminating Against Childfree Women? - Jessica Wakeman
Happy New Year DINKs and SINKs! May 2021 bring you all the best a childfree life can give you