Will I Regret Not Having Kids?
As DINKs and SINKs, one of the top questions we are asked is if we will regret not having kids. My usual retort is do you regret buying those shoes?
dictionary.com defines regret as to feel sorrow or remorse for an act, fault, disappointment; to think of with a sense of loss.
How can you have a sense of loss of something you’ve never had. You may have babysitted, or have nieces and nephews and thought this could be fun. But you’re not there for the challenging times. Ask any mom who will tell you the truth, and they will tell you the Facebook life they post about is not how it really is.
I know quite a few older women who decided not to have children and not one has regretted it. On the flip side, it’s offensive to ask parents, do you regret having children? You know because children are a blessing and bring joy to your life, how can you possibly regret blessings and joy? But we all know a mom or two who secretly or in a rare cases publicly regrets having children.
If you love your life, how can you regret not having children?
Are you building a life full of your own blessing and the thing you find joyous? For some it’s a life of travel without restrictions (when we’re on the other side of COVID-19, we will travel again), for others it’s a life of quiet and cleanliness - no screaming or cleaning up kid messes. For me, it’s a life of not having to make sure someone else eats and goes to school.
Is it really regret or cultural pressures to feel a certain way?
Since society says you should have children, if you don’t, you can’t possibly be happy with this decision. Other people have the tendency to put their feelings on to you. The road to life’s happiness is paved with children and you can’t have a fulfilling life if you don’t give birth. I have a question for you - Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? Raise your hand. I’m raising both of mine. Having children will not make you happy. I learned a long time ago being true to myself and my feelings is the only way to achieve happiness. Living up to the expectations of others will not. Happiness comes from inside and if you’re happy without children, who care what other people think. You know misery loves company, some people want to you join the boat they’re in so you can wallow in sorrow together. Disclosure, side note: I’m not a doctor, just a person whose life experiences have taught me to side with what makes me happy.
Are you underestimating how smart you are?
You are smarter than you give yourself credit for. You know what’s best for you and your older self will thank you for your wisdom. There is no need to worry about what your older self will think of the choices you make today, you will be able to handle whatever life you’ve built. Your future is so bright. I know some of my listeners who are past childbearing age are nodding their heads.
Are you taking advantage of the opportunities available to you?
There are opportunities that may not have been available if you were a parent. You should take advantage to freedom you have. You can say yes to almost anything without the restrictions of children. Be grateful and use your childfree status to do those things that give you a fulfilling life, without children. What’s stopping you?
You will be fine, as a matter of fact, you are fine right now.
I have few regrets in my life as they were all experiences that have made me who I am. I have never regretted my decision not to have children.
Here’s my message to you: Be true to yourself, build and live the life you want, do it remarkably, with no regrets. No kids allowed.